Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

It’s official. The countdown portion of my year has begun! The next 2 months are jam packed with craziness and I absolutely CANNOT wait.

Last Monday started my summer session of classes. I’m taking Abnormal Psychology and so far so good. All it is really showing me is how crazy my mother really is. But I knew that already, and it was reaffirmed to me today. Crazy. Some days I am seriously glad that I am adopted and none of that is in my genes. Gah.

Anyway…backtracking. The class is 6 weeks long or so, placing the end day as July 1st. I had to rearrange my work schedule to accommodate the class and found myself working 7 weekends in a row. Seven. BOO. However…at the end of the seven weeks come (drum roll please) A WEEK AT THE BEACH. Thank the sweet baby Jesus because I need a fracking break. For realz.

So we come back from the beach and then there is only a couple weeks until BlogHer! I am so excited to be going. Not just to meet these amazing people who are such a huge part of my life. Not just to juggle the bull’s balls with someone I can’t wait to booze with. Not just to be kid and husband free in my favorite city in the world. Not even just to Nom Nom on the cutest baby ever.

I am excited to be taking a step. A step away from the anxiety that has grounded me since 2005. A step away from being too afraid to put myself out of my comfort zone. A step that I should have taken a long time ago. A step that will probably take some xanax and some hand holding.

I think I just need one more thing. Some killer shoes.

I am not sure I have ever touched the Gulf Of Mexico with my toes. I don’t think I have ever allowed the waves to crest over my feet, or dig into the white sand. I am now worried that I may not get that chance.

I grew up in a little town tucked sweetly into the bay between Atlantic City and the New Jersey mainland. Seagulls perched in our trees and the sounds of them cawing to each other followed you throughout your day. While playing in the yard…you had to only dig down the smallest bit before you hit water. Walking to the end of my street brought you to the marsh and the water. Trucks pulling boats were a normal sight as they approached the dock down the road.

I understand the fierce feelings that those living on the Gulf are experiencing. The relationship with the sea that those have that live on it is a special thing and one that is not easily explained. Every year my family heads to the beach for the year and for that week…I feel at ease and at home. Jim always has a joke about how every year, the last thing I do before I leave is go touch the water and say goodbye. I feel a kinship with the ocean, this ebbing, ever changing woman who supports so many.

I am praying that the oil is controlled soon. I am praying that the currents don’t take it even further than expected. I am praying that hurricane season doesn’t move it in unpredictable ways.

I am praying for those that love it.

I am praying that I get a chance to one day come down and say hello to her. To touch my hands to her clean water and introduce myself to another part of this ocean that I love so much.

Dear Veterinary Office,

Thank you so much for the reminder that was in my mailbox today. An adorable little card with a puppy smiling up at me. The card’s purpose was to remind me to get shots for my dog and was signed “Love Tucker”.

Tucker passed away a year ago. At your office. I would think that somewhere in your records there should be a little box that you can check. Something that says something along the line of “Dog Deceased. Don’t send salt to dump in owner’s wounds.”

But really, thanks for the card.

Ally

I see myself in your eyes.

A couple mornings ago Jim and I were getting ready to start the day. We could hear the boys stirring in their room, followed quickly by the sounds of Chase turning on their TV to watch “Dog Woobie” (Lady and the Tramp). The boys have a gate up on their bedroom door, so I usually have a few minutes once they are up. I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and came out to Chase standing in our bedroom.

“Chase! You know you aren’t supposed to climb the gate! That’s bad.”

“Yeah Mommy, what the hell?”

Oy Vey.

When I was pregnant with Chase I spent HOURS online pouring over bedding, swings, bouncers, clothes and last but not least…the car seat/stroller combo. I won’t lie…I bought the car seat I did because it matched the pattern I had picked for the swing and pack-n-play. Luckily, it was a good seat and had the specifications on it that I would come to appreciate as I educated myself more.

When Chase was about 6 months old I found myself abruptly educated to the idea of extended rear facing. A friend of mine was in a bad accident and her son, 13 months old, was severely injured. He met the minimums to be forward facing (20lbs AND one year) and she had turned him on his first birthday thinking it was something fun and exciting to do. After the accident the doctors told her that had he still been rear facing, his injuries would have been minimal. Colin made it though the accident and after spending months in a halo he came home. She has become one of the most staunch rear facing advocates and begged me to leave Chase rear facing until he HAD to be turned.

There are tons of technical reasons why rear facing is safer for little people. The easiest way to explain it is that the bones in the neck don’t fuse completely until right around the age of 3. This leaves toddlers wide open for internal decapitation and a whole host of other spinal issues, especially due to their head to body proportions. Also, rear facing takes the force off of front end collisions. Yes, people get rear ended too…but head on and side impact accidents are so much more dangerous and generally more severe.

Last year the American Academy of Pediatrics stated that infants and toddlers were 75% more likely to be seriously injured or killed in a forward facing seat. They put out an official recommendation that children stay rear facing until the age of two.

That right there has been enough for me.

Chase was happily rear facing in a First Years True Fit until he turned two and hit the weight limit on his seat for rear facing(35lbs). Chase is in the 90th percentile for height and was quite comfortable. He sat cross legged in his seat, and to this day he still asks to sit in Jimmy’s seat, which is currently rear faced.

Jimmy is also rear facing in a True Fit and at 23lbs, he will be that way until he hits the weight or height limit.

There have been times when I considered turning them earlier. It is easier on the parent to have them facing forward…you can see them and hand things to them so much easier. My family thought I was nuts and some of them probably still do.

I don’t care.  I want to see them play outside. I want to see them splash in the tub. I want to see them color and blow bubbles. I don’t want to see them in a halo with pins in their head. I don’t want to see them in years of physical therapy.

I feel there are so many things I don’t have any control over in my children’s safety. This is one thing I can do to help keep them safe.

What about you? What works for your family?

*Anyone with any car seat questions, feel free to email me. I’ll answer any installation questions I can!*

My Dad is in the hospital.

Again.

He was admitted on Saturday and since then it has been a whirlwind of tests and procedures. I convinced him to go to Hottie Cardiologist, who is an amazing doctor, and he is making sure there is nothing missed. Something has to change. My father has been admitted at least once a month for the past year.

How can you live like that? I truly think he is scared to be at home at this point and I can’t say that I blame him. Everytime he doesn’t feel right he goes to the emergency room. And nine times out of ten he is admitted. He is miserable, and to top it off? He can’t afford all of these admissions. Co-pays are really hitting my parents hard.

It is really heart wrenching to see him try and deal with all this. He is frustrated and irritated and he doesn’t feel good. It is unbelievable to see how fast he went from someone with practically no main health issues to someone who basically lives in the hospital.

This all started when he retired and I maintain my original position.

It’s because he spends too much time with my mother. It’s a survival technique peeps.

I’m grumpy today. So I am going to enlighten you all with an incredibly unoriginal post about what makes me grumpy. And annoyed. And generally just pissed the eff off. Cause you KNOW you really want to know.

* When the mailman pulls into our development right as I am pulling out. I am SO OCD about getting the mail and it makes me nuts to have to go to work without getting it out of the mailbox.

* People who come to the ER seeking detox and then sign themselves out AMA (against medical advice) 30 minutes after they get admitted. HOLY PAPERWORK BATMAN. So irritating.

*Being damp. I worked at my serving job on Wednesday night and when they washed the floors in the kitchen the cuffs of my pants got wet. Then I sat down and they touched my bare calf. EWWWWWW.

*The fact I dumped an entire plate of Chinese food that I was SO looking forward to eating all over my car yesterday.

*Trying to wrangle the kids + diaper bag + work bag + lunch ALL the way to another parking lot to my car because they are resealing the macadam in front of our house. WTF. The freaking pavement was fine before. Fuckers. They are out to get me.

*Pumping my own gas. You would think that after 10 years in this god forsaken state I would be used to it. But no. I miss living in New Jersey.

* Knowing that class starts back up again in two weeks from Monday. I wouldn’t care so much if I wasn’t taking a math class. Me and math? We don’t really see eye to eye.

*Having no kiddie medicine in the house because it all got fracking recalled.

*Knowing that if I get into the nursing program that I want I will be able to do NOTHING fun next summer. Nothing. At. All.

Sigh. I’m depressing myself. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I have always kept a journal. You should see them, my teenage years jotted down in so many different gel tipped inks. I was impulsive and boy crazy and free. I wrote everything that came to my mind, there was no censorship in the tattered wire bound books that I hid in my room.

As I got older and moved out of my parent’s home I still wrote. It wasn’t a daily journal at that point, but more of an event recorder. When I was through the roof happy? I wrote. When I was scraping myself off the floor of addiction and depression? I wrote then too.

I don’t have a tangible journal anymore. I just have this blog. I think that needs to change. There are things that I need to get out. Things that wouldn’t be fair to put here…because it isn’t just about me. Things that are brewing and threatening to overflow if I don’t release some of the pressure. This blog isn’t always a happy place, my life isn’t unicorns and rainbows…but sometimes you just need a place to put your thoughts that aren’t fully formed. A place to work out what you are actually thinking. This isn’t that place to me.

This is the place for me to share my life and my stories and my opinions. A place to show support to my friends and have some fun. A place to ask for help sometimes too.

So I am going to go buy a notebook, wire bound preferably. I am going to sit down and just write. Screw punctuation and grammar and spell check. There is a huge jumbled mess in my head that needs to come out.

I’m going to let it out.