Posts Tagged ‘babies’

When I learned I was pregnant with Jimmy in May of 2008 I was in serious shock for a while. I literally cried on and off for weeks, I just could not wrap my head around the idea that I was having another baby. I still HAD a baby. Chase was 9 months old when I became pregnant. I was weaning him off the bottle, but now instead of packing them away I was moving them to a higher shelf. I was pregnant.

Right after Chase had his first birthday in July, we transitioned him to a twin bed(which he adored) after he began to climb out of his crib. Instead of taking the crib down, it was simply moved to another wall in the nursery. I was 3 months pregnant.

Fall came and with it came beautiful weather in Pennsylvania. I love fall. Sweater weather is my favorite time of year, just cool enough to need long sleeves but not a jacket. Jim, Chase and I were all in a wedding in October, and Chase was the best little ring bearer ever. Chase loves to play outside and I did my best to keep up with his 15 month old self. He had adventures that needed tending to…I was just along for the ride. I was 6 months pregnant.

The Holidays arrived in a blur of activity that year. I was getting bigger and bigger every day and my February 10th due date was looming. I tried to concentrate on Chase, making this a special time for him. I felt bad that his world was about to be turned upside down, and he just was not at an age yet where I could explain it to him. I was still working weekends as a bartender. I was 7 months pregnant.

New Years Eve Day. I went to my lady bits/baby doctor  because I felt awful. She checked me, not expecting to really find anything. She then informed me I was 3cm dilated and needed to head over to L&D for monitoring. I was 34 weeks pregnant. My girlfriend drove me to the hospital, and the looming threat of a premature birth loomed in my head. I was hooked up to the monitors and luckily sent home, but on bed rest until delivery. Chase was 17 months old and I was on strict bed rest.

January 17th. Chase gets croup and we land ourselves in the ER at 3am for a breathing treatment. I am 4cm at this point and crying because I don’t know what to do if I have the baby before Chase gets better.

January 24th. Chase is 18 months old.

January 26th. I am 5cm dilated but not in labor (whaaaaaaaaaat?)

January 27th, 2009. My baby makes his way into this world and into our hearts. Born at exactly 38 weeks, 6lb 12oz  and healthy.

Happy Birthday James Mason. My Jimmy Jamboree. The Jamster. Jimmy Bo-bimee. Little J. Jimbo Junior.

I love you.

My boys are 18 months apart, almost to the day. It has been a wild ride, one that I wouldn’t change for the world.

The first meeting in the hospital

6 weeks and 19 months

5am, at least THEY are happy

6 months and 2 years

Watching the progression of their relationship has truly been an amazing experience.

December 09 and in a new house

Hey Mommy!

2 1/2 years and 11 months

Oh the brotherly love!

 I think the faces they are making at each other in the last picture really says it all.

I fell like I’ve been absent this week. Not just here, this place where I leave bits and pieces of myself out in the open for scrutiny and observation, but also from myself.

I don’t even know if that makes sense, or how to explain it if it doesn’t. I supposed I could sum it up in easy terms with “I’m in a funk”

A massive, panic attack having, screaming, crying, fighting over nothing funk.

I think last week, with my Dad being sick was just the beginning. It has sort of all gone downhill from there. School restarted, with me not a part of it for the first time a couple years. Instead of me feeling as though I am taking a well deserved break, I feel like a failure.

My panic attacks have returned in full force, with no warning. I haven’t had to medicate for one in almost 2 years. I’ve had to 6 times in the past 3 days. Luckily my doctor is teh awesome, and knows me well.

I don’t understand what is going on with my body, and with my head. I needed something contructive to throw myself into. Something to take my mind away from everything.

Luckily I found it.

April 24th.

5 Miles.

Some Tears.

Some laughs.

One preemie in my heart, and hopefully one preemie in her stroller.

For Maddie

For Natalie who I am happy to report is taking names and kicking prematurity’s ass.

For me, a NICU graduate.

It’s coming…I can feel it in my bones.

BABY FEVER

Oh gawd. I figured it would be soon anyway, since Chase has gone from this

To this

And Jimmy Jamboree (who is going to be ONE in ONE MONTH *SOB*) has gone from this

To this

I am for sure feeling the lack of baby in my house. THEN to add to the ache, not one…not two…BUT THREE of my friends are all newly pregnant. My best friend from middle school is having her first, one of my best friends from high school is having her second and one of my most favorite online girls too.

Sigh. I may need to re-think this no more babies thing.

Somebody talk some sense in too me and remind me of the four months of screaming colicky hell that was Jimmy as a newborn. The two weeks of bed rest with Chase and the five weeks with Jimmy. Someone remind me that I have a damned good chance of a preemie if I have another baby, or the fact that Jim is a total no go on the idea. Someone tell me I would just be trying for a girl and then end up with three boys and thereisnofrackingwayIcouldhandlethat.

Someone tell me that holding and loving on all my friends babies will be enough.

Someone lie to me, because there is NOTHING that feels like this

This weekend was exactly what I needed. I literally have not left my home since I got home from work on Friday night. Ah-Mazing.

I got to spend some much needed one on one time with my boys. I have really been missing them this week. Last week, while trying to get the house ready to move, I sent them to their Mom-Mom’s on my days off so I could get some things done. It helped me tremendously…but it broke my heart to not be able to spend that time with them.

The boys are loving the new house, there is much more room for them to take over with their thousands of trucks and blocks and balls and pointy things that hurt when I step on them.

They are also big fans of moving due to the boxes required

Jimmy managed to snag the best seat in the house

Then? The best thing that could possibly happen on a weekend when you don’t want to leave the house happened. It started to snow! We had some snow last year that I am sure Chase doesn’t really remember and this is for sure Jimmy’s first real snow, other than the storm he was born during.

The boys stood at our slider and watched the snow come down all day, but Chase was being elusive and didn’t want his picture taken. Stinker.

All in all it was an amazing weekend home with my babies, who are getting so big so fast.

Even my Cullen baby is growing up and now has grown in his front teeth, so I no longer have a baby vampire..

And Chase? He is just getting more and more grown up right before my very eyes.

Last week I was chatting with Sara on twitterabout my new(ish) job. I was saying how much I like it, and how I am actually really enjoying being back to work full time.

I receieved a nasty email later that day. I’m assuming it was from someone who ran across our conversation on the main feed and came to my blog to hunt down my contact info.

In this email, I was basically told that I was a horrible mother for actually enjoying my job. That I should be heartbroken every day that I drop them off at the sitter where they play with their friends. That being home to do laundry and dishes is more important than providing health insurance for my family. That I should give up all my aspirations of a career because I have children.

I was never sure that I wanted kids. Don’t get me wrong, the boys are my world. I love them more than I can say, and I would never change any of the events that brought those beautiful baby men into my life. But it just wasn’t something I was sure I wanted before they were here. Some young women just know that being a mother is what they want more than anything, that wasn’t me.

Even now I talk to friends who can’t wait for when they can chaperone field trips and be the class mom. That’s not me. I have always been excited about when the time would come that I could return to work full time. That time can a couple years earlier than I had expected, and those of you that come here to support me KNOW how much I struggled with leaving the boys.

I want to be a nurse in 3 years. This is going to involve an insane amount of work for me, and a lot of sacrificing time with my family during the process. After reading Heather’s post this morning, I don’t see how anyone could say it won’t be worth it.

So you know what? I’m sorry if you don’t like that I enjoy my job. I’m sorry if my working full time offends your sense of “womanly duties”. I’m sorry if the fact that I am away from the boys more makes me appreciate the time I have with them more bothers you.

Because it doesn’t bother me and mine, and that’s all that matters.

Hoping to make some people smile on this drama filled Saturday!

This is J last week playing games with Mom-Mom when she was trying to feed him his dinner, he has decided it’s a HUGE game!

*If the big play button doesn’t work, hit the little one in the lower left part of the screen, it’s being wonky!*

When I found out I was pregnant with Chase I was scared, but in the back of my mind I was excited that I was going to be in the “Mom Club”.I thought that all mothers were supportive, and that I would be able to relate to other women who had kids.  Little did I know that mothers are some of the most competitive people I have ever come across. Everything is a contest, and everything is something to be argued or debated.

Breastfeeding vs Bottle Feeding. I nursed for a few weeks and then switched to bottles with both boys. Where do I fit in?

Cloth diapers vs Disposable. I’ve used clothies and Pampers. Where do I fit in?

To Co-sleep or not to Co-sleep. I’ve done both. Where do I fit in?

Cry it out or not. Yep, I’ve used both methods. What side do I take on that one?

Baby wearing? I’ve strapped both into Baby Bjorn’s on occasion, but strollers are nice too…

Rear facing older kids or not. I turned Chase at one, and then turned him back around at 16 months. No clear line here either.

Working mom or stay at home mom.  I work a few hours a week, just enough to not be “allowed to consider myself a SAHM, but I don’t work enough to “understand” what it’s like to be a working mom.

I just don’t understand why the lines have to be drawn in the sand, and howdareyoucrossontomyside. We all do what we think is best for OUR child, that’s our job as parents. What kind of diapers you use, where your baby sleeps and how you get from point A to point B has no bearing on what kind of a parent you are. If you have tattoos it doesn’t mean you aren’t teaching your children respect. If you need public assistance, it doesn’t mean you don’t show your kids that life takes alot of hard work. I wish we could all just be MOMS and not have all these things that supposedly define what kind of Mom’s we are.

I’m the kind that loves my kids. I’m Ok with that.

Hi. My name is Ali, I’m 26 years old and I’m…teething?

Yep.Pretty.Much.

My wisdom teeth are coming in full force and MAN do they hurt! I totally understand why the boys are cranky, non-sleeping, non-eating miserable messes when they are getting teeth!

Why do I still have my wisdom teeth, you ask?

Apparently I had a REALLY good orthodontist. He did such a GOOD job expanding my palate, that there is room for all four to come in fine. Isn’t that just GREAT?

So instead of having about 4 days of misery and pain meds to get them pulled, I get to deal with months of this crap. My mouth is swollen and almost itchy feeling where the teeth are coming through. Chewing sucks, and it’s super temperature sensitive back there. I’m in hell.

While I am not focusing on the misery in my mouth however, I have been almost put to tears over the fact that my babies have to go through this. Jimmy is starting the teething process, but isn’t to the super fun part yet,thank goodness. Chase has pretty much all his teeth, he is currently cutting his two year molars and once those are in we are done!

I will never bitch about them being grumpy jerks again when teeth are to blame. I’m sure Jim can attest to the fact that I am currently not a peach to live with!

Anyone have any good drugs?

I get asked alot about my boys. People want to know how old they are, and how far apart. I always answer the same way:

“They are almost exactly 18 months apart.”

It seems like the majority of responses to that are negative. People say things like:

“Yikes”
“Have fun with that”
“Poor You”

And other very encouraging things. Most of the people that react like this are strangers. The cashier at the grocery store, the librarian or the salesperson at the shoe store.

I don’t get it. Who says that to someone they don’t know?

I love having them close together. Sure it is hard. The first few weeks after Jimmy was born I was in hell. I cried every night and really didn’t see how it was possible to give myself to my toddler, who had just dealt with me being on bed rest for 5 weeks, and a colicky newborn.

My husband also wasn’t able to take much time off of work so pretty much straight away…I was on my own at home. I had some help, my mother in law brought me dinners and would take Chase for some alone time during the day and gave me time to bond with Jimmy. That was the greatest gift I could have received.

It’s easier now than I thought it was going to be. The boys are on a good schedule and now that Jimmy is over being a colicky mess of an angry baby, things are looking up!

Now it’s the little things that are hard. Grocery shopping? Not a chance with the two of them. A quick trip to the pharmacy? Nope. How about a Dr’s appointment for one, without a sitter for the other? Not on your life.

My time at home with them, which is MOST of the time, is fine. We have fun and everyone is happy. Time not at home, no matter where it may be…always has the potential to be disastrous. That is hard.

But as Chase’s 2nd birthday approaches I realize I am not going to be the Mom of two boys under two anymore. That has been a defining factor of my life these last 4 months. I’ve used it as an excuse to get out of things…and I’ve said it with pride for my boys. I love them and they are my world.

So yes, my boys are 18 months apart, and yes it’s hard. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.