Posts Tagged ‘pissed off’

Dear Veterinary Office,

Thank you so much for the reminder that was in my mailbox today. An adorable little card with a puppy smiling up at me. The card’s purpose was to remind me to get shots for my dog and was signed “Love Tucker”.

Tucker passed away a year ago. At your office. I would think that somewhere in your records there should be a little box that you can check. Something that says something along the line of “Dog Deceased. Don’t send salt to dump in owner’s wounds.”

But really, thanks for the card.

Ally

I’m grumpy today. So I am going to enlighten you all with an incredibly unoriginal post about what makes me grumpy. And annoyed. And generally just pissed the eff off. Cause you KNOW you really want to know.

* When the mailman pulls into our development right as I am pulling out. I am SO OCD about getting the mail and it makes me nuts to have to go to work without getting it out of the mailbox.

* People who come to the ER seeking detox and then sign themselves out AMA (against medical advice) 30 minutes after they get admitted. HOLY PAPERWORK BATMAN. So irritating.

*Being damp. I worked at my serving job on Wednesday night and when they washed the floors in the kitchen the cuffs of my pants got wet. Then I sat down and they touched my bare calf. EWWWWWW.

*The fact I dumped an entire plate of Chinese food that I was SO looking forward to eating all over my car yesterday.

*Trying to wrangle the kids + diaper bag + work bag + lunch ALL the way to another parking lot to my car because they are resealing the macadam in front of our house. WTF. The freaking pavement was fine before. Fuckers. They are out to get me.

*Pumping my own gas. You would think that after 10 years in this god forsaken state I would be used to it. But no. I miss living in New Jersey.

* Knowing that class starts back up again in two weeks from Monday. I wouldn’t care so much if I wasn’t taking a math class. Me and math? We don’t really see eye to eye.

*Having no kiddie medicine in the house because it all got fracking recalled.

*Knowing that if I get into the nursing program that I want I will be able to do NOTHING fun next summer. Nothing. At. All.

Sigh. I’m depressing myself. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I am not a politically outspoken person. I have my opinions about it, but unless you are a close friend chances are you won’t hear it. I vote, but I don’t make a huge announcement out of it.

However I feel the need to voice my opinion on the HUGE debate going on with health care in our country right now. Yesterday on my way to work there were two men standing on a main corner in my town holding signs touting how horrible our president is and how the health care bill is such a bad thing.

I am not going to lie. I don’t know the nitty gritty of the bill. I know some of the basics and have picked up on some info simply because I work in a hospital and it is talked about often. I don’t have a super dramatic story about how I was denied coverage for a pre-existing condition. I don’t follow CNN’s every moment. I just know MY story and how I wish that there had been more options for me.

I was uninsured for most of my adult life.

My husband didn’t have insurance for 10 years.

I stopped going to school full time at 19, so I lost my benefits that were carried by my parents insurance plan. I was on my own. I truly didn’t care much, I really don’t get sick much and I was 19….invincible. I worked FULL TIME. I PAID TAXES. I was not a “lush”. I was not “scamming the system”.  My job simply did not offer benefits that were anywhere near affordable and they did not pay for any portion of them. I worked as a waitress…restaurant jobs are great for quick money, not so great for benefits.

There were a couple times during the years between 19 and 24 that having insurance would have helped me greatly. Like when I contracted pneumonia and waited until I was so sick that I had to be admitted to the hospital because I was hoping it would get better on it’s own. Like all the times I had to push through protesters to get into Planned Parenthood to pick up birth control so I could be responsible, since I couldn’t afford to go to a regular OBGYN. Like the days of agonizing pain when I had cavities that there was no way I could pay a dentist to fix. There were so many times…

When I was 24 I became pregnant with Chase. A friend of mine told me to apply for state insurance to cover me while I was pregnant. I did a pre-screening and found out I made about 200$ a month too much. I had to WORK LESS to be eligible. Is that scamming the system? I don’t know. But it was my only option.

Chase was born and after my 6 week postpartum appointment I was kicked off state insurance, but he was able to stay on…provided I only made a certain amount. I was a bartender at this point and now stuck between making enough money to help support my family…or making too much money and my child not being insured. It was a really hard place to be. I hated being CAPABLE of making more money…but not able to.

When Chase was 9 months old I became pregnant with Jimmy and back on state insurance I went. This time after he was  born, since we were now a family of 4, I was able to continue on with state insurance for a while. I was able to stay home with my boys and only work Friday and Sundays. I was my children’s primary caregiver and it made me so happy to be in that roll.

When Jimmy was 6 months old I had to make a decision. We needed to be making more money…but if we made more money the boys and I would be kicked off the insurance policy.I priced out buying insurance for the family privately and it was upwards of 600$ A MONTH. I was floored. There was no way we could pay that.

 I talked with a good friend of mine and she agreed to take the boys a couple days a week for me for a very low fee. I was SO LUCKY in finding  the job that I did, it is truly a blessing. Working at the hospital has brought me a lot of joy in that I love my job. I love being able to provide benefits for my whole family. I love being in a health care setting.

I love being with my kids more. If there had been insurance offered by my husband’s job…I’d still be a stay at home mom. If there had been an affordable option for us to purchase…I would be a stay at home mom. Instead I am out of my children’s presence more than I am in it. I pass them off with a kiss every afternoon on my way to work. I rarely see my husband, as I try to work on his days off to cut down their time away from their parents.

We never wanted to be on state provided insurance, we weren’t trying to milk the system. However the system that is in place is not for us. We worked our asses off… and for all intensive purposes we were punished for it by making too much.

I don’t know what the solution is. I don’t know if this bill is it. I do know that someone needs to be done. I do think that health insurance is something that should be afforded to everyone. I think that the number of people in this country who can’t go to the doctor when they are sick is atrocious. I think the number of people cluttering up emergency rooms with simple illnesses just because it is there only option is horrendous. I think that while my Canadian friends will readily admit their system is not perfect, they are damned grateful for it.

 If it is your right to carry a gun…it damned well better be MY right to get sewn up when someone shoots me and not owe for the rest of my life due to it.

That’s my opinion.

I have an appointment next Monday that I have been putting off for a long time.

The Dermatologist.

When I was pregnant with Chase my skin went through some caaaa-razy changes. I stressed over each and every one at first, and then pretty  much just started ignoring all of them. Ya know…skin tags, blotches..all that highly glamorous stuff women deal with while growing a human.

However there was one skin occurance that was worrisome to me. A small lesion appeared on my chest, right between the ladies. When I say small..I mean SMALL. It is completely flesh colored, and much easier to feel than see. Over the last two years it has gotten bigger, but is still very small. There are actually three very small lesions of the same type there now. This is an area that I had frequent sunburns as a kid.

I ignored it and ignored it because that’s what I do.I don’t like going to the doctor and I like it even less when something could actually be wrong. I try to keep my head from running to the worst possible scenario but it does anyway. Google is not helping the situation at all, and for someone prone to panic attacks this is really just setting me over the edge.

I am praying that Dr.Skin has an answer for me. I am hoping there is something that he can tell me before he chops off a piece of my skin to be biopsied. If I have to wait for results with no indication of what is going on, I might truly lose it. I really don’t have it in me to deal with this. I’m emotionally exhausted and I can’t stop thinking about it.

What if I let it go too long?

What if it is cancer?

What will I do?

So people, I am asking for something I have never asked for before. I never thought I would ever ask anyone to do this for me.

PRAY.

Pray it’s a wart.

Yada Yada.

It snowed. We all know that. The Blizzard of 2010 came into my area with a vengeance and it was a crazy 24 hours. We sent the boys to their grandparents house on Friday afternoon before the snow started and they stayed through Sunday. It was nice to have some time alone, but I missed the hell out of my baby men. I didn’t so much miss the Cheerios mashed into my carpet…but ya know,what are you gonna do?

Jim’s job made the smart decision to close on Saturday (YAY!), however I am not so lucky. The hospital has to run, so into work I went. I worked the 3pm to 11pm shift on Saturday and this is what it looked like not long before I went to work.

Uh huh. This was the view from the floor of my foyer.

Did I mention I don’t like to drive in the snow?

Now we have 12-18 more inches on it’s way tonight into tomorrow.

Hold me.

Last week I was chatting with Sara on twitterabout my new(ish) job. I was saying how much I like it, and how I am actually really enjoying being back to work full time.

I receieved a nasty email later that day. I’m assuming it was from someone who ran across our conversation on the main feed and came to my blog to hunt down my contact info.

In this email, I was basically told that I was a horrible mother for actually enjoying my job. That I should be heartbroken every day that I drop them off at the sitter where they play with their friends. That being home to do laundry and dishes is more important than providing health insurance for my family. That I should give up all my aspirations of a career because I have children.

I was never sure that I wanted kids. Don’t get me wrong, the boys are my world. I love them more than I can say, and I would never change any of the events that brought those beautiful baby men into my life. But it just wasn’t something I was sure I wanted before they were here. Some young women just know that being a mother is what they want more than anything, that wasn’t me.

Even now I talk to friends who can’t wait for when they can chaperone field trips and be the class mom. That’s not me. I have always been excited about when the time would come that I could return to work full time. That time can a couple years earlier than I had expected, and those of you that come here to support me KNOW how much I struggled with leaving the boys.

I want to be a nurse in 3 years. This is going to involve an insane amount of work for me, and a lot of sacrificing time with my family during the process. After reading Heather’s post this morning, I don’t see how anyone could say it won’t be worth it.

So you know what? I’m sorry if you don’t like that I enjoy my job. I’m sorry if my working full time offends your sense of “womanly duties”. I’m sorry if the fact that I am away from the boys more makes me appreciate the time I have with them more bothers you.

Because it doesn’t bother me and mine, and that’s all that matters.

On Oct 5th we had an appointment at our pediatrician to get the boys their Flu shots. I was relieved to get in there, because with me working at the hospital I am coming into contact with a ton of nasty stuff.

We get in the office, and are called back to the room. Jim and I are both there and we each have a kid in our lap. The nurse instructs us to pull their pants down around their ankles, and she goes out to grab the shots.

C is crying. He knows what’s coming. J is oblivious, happily chewing on his knuckles.

The nurse comes back in. “I’m sorry, we don’t have  shots for them. Their insurance (state provided) hasn’t sent them to us yet.”

Umm. Ok.

So C gets his stay of execution, and we get the boys dressed and back in the car. On the way home, we stop at a local pharmacy and Jim gets his shot, because if the boys can’t get theirs yet we at least both need to be vaccinated.

That was 10 days ago. Since then we have had a local high school close because 400 students called out with Flu symptoms in one day. Our hospital is full to the brim with patients testing positive for seasonal flu and H1N1. It’s only the middle of October.

I called the boys Dr. “Can I pay out of pocket for them to get vaccinated?”

“No, we are not legally allowed to accept cash for them”

WHY THE HELL NOT?

I called the Health Department for our county. “Sorry, we don’t have any pediactric doses. Call back every day, because when we get them they will go fast.”

I called all the Urgent Care facilities. ” Sorry, we ran out already and have been waiting for a shipment for a couple weeks now.”

I called every pharmacy, grocery store…ANYONE who offers Flu shots on a walkin/clinic basis. “Sorry, we only can give them to kids 3 and over.”

I called the boys insurance. ” There is a shortage. Do they have any chronic health problems?”

“No, they are healthy”

“Well, then they will just have to wait.”

So forget that they are aged 5 and under, one of the high risk categories.

Forget that their mother works in Health Care, one of the high risk categories.

Forget that their father has severe asthma, and is in one of the high risk categories.

Let’s just punish them because they have been healthy SO FAR.

Let’s punish them because their father’s full time job doesn’t offer insurance and they have had to use state aid to stay healthy.

That’s what REALLY GETS ME. There are FLU SHOTS sitting in their Dr’s office and they can’t have them because they are on state insurance.

Fuck You.